7/11/09
7/9/09
Funny E-mail
Some of the artists of the 60's are revising their hits with new lyrics to accommodate aging baby boomers.
They include:
Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye ---
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations ---
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba---
Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry if I want To.
And Last but NOT least...
Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again
They include:
Bobby Darin ---
Splish, Splash, I Was Havin' a Flash.
Herman's Hermits ---
Mrs. Brown, You've Got a Lovely Walker.
Ringo Starr ---
I Get By With a Little Help From Depends.
The Bee Gees -- -
How Can You Mend a Broken Hip.
Roberta Flack---
The First Time Ever I Forgot Your Face.
Johnny Nash ---
I Can't See Clearly Now.
Paul Simon---
Fifty Ways to Lose Your Liver
The Commodores ---
Once, Twice, Three Times to the Bathroom.
Marvin Gaye ---
Heard It Through the Grape Nuts.
Procol Harem---
A Whiter Shade of Hair.
Leo Sayer ---
You Make Me Feel Like Napping.
The Temptations ---
Papa's Got a Kidney Stone.
Abba---
Denture Queen.
Tony Orlando ---
Knock 3 Times On The Ceiling If You Hear Me Fall.
Helen Reddy ---
I Am Woman, Hear Me Snore.
Leslie Gore---
It's My Procedure, and I'll Cry if I want To.
And Last but NOT least...
Willie Nelson ---
On the Commode Again
7/4/09
7/2/09
Funny E-mail
Boobs vs. Willies
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.'
A family is at the dinner table. The son asks his father, 'Dad, how many kinds of boobs are there?'
The father, surprised, answers, 'Well, son, a woman goes through three phases. In her 20s, a woman's boobs are like melons, round and firm. In her 30s to 40s, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After 50, they are like onions'.
'Onions?'
'Yes, you see them and they make you cry.'
This infuriated his wife and daughter, so the daughter said, 'Mom, how many kinds of 'willies' are there?'
The mother, surprised, smiles and answers, 'Well dear, a man goes through three phases also. In his 20s, his willy is like an oak tree, mighty and hard. In his 30s and 40s, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his 50s, it is like a Christmas tree'.
'A Christmas tree?'
'Yes --- dead from the roots up and the balls are just for decoration.'
6/27/09
6/26/09
Lists, Lists and More Lists
1. I will smile at everyone I meet.
2. I will say hi to a stranger.
3. I will remember someone I have not thought about since grade school.
4. I will appreciate every day that I am alive.
5. I will work to have a positive attitude about life.
2. I will say hi to a stranger.
3. I will remember someone I have not thought about since grade school.
4. I will appreciate every day that I am alive.
5. I will work to have a positive attitude about life.
6/25/09
Funny E-mail
WALKING THE DOG
A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco .
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento
Along the way. The flight attendant explained that
There would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted
To get off the aircraft the plane would re-board
In 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was
Blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and
Could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye
Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her
Throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before
Because the pilot approached her, and calling her by
Name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost
An hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would
Like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill
When they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane
With a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes,
But they were trying to change airlines!
True story.. Have a great day and remember...
...THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A
DAY WASTED!!!
A WOMAN was flying from Seattle to San Francisco .
Unexpectedly, the plane was diverted to Sacramento
Along the way. The flight attendant explained that
There would be a delay, and if the passengers wanted
To get off the aircraft the plane would re-board
In 50 minutes.
Everybody got off the plane except one lady who was
Blind. The man had noticed her as he walked by and
Could tell the lady was blind because her Seeing Eye
Dog lay quietly underneath the seats in front of her
Throughout the entire flight.
He could also tell she had flown this very flight before
Because the pilot approached her, and calling her by
Name, said, 'Kathy, we are in Sacramento for almost
An hour. Would you like to get off and stretch your legs?'
The blind lady replied, 'No thanks, but maybe Buddy would
Like to stretch his legs.'
Picture this:
All the people in the gate area came to a complete standstill
When they looked up and saw the pilot walk off the plane
With a Seeing Eye dog! The pilot was even wearing sunglasses.
People scattered. They not only tried to change planes,
But they were trying to change airlines!
True story.. Have a great day and remember...
...THINGS AREN'T ALWAYS AS THEY APPEAR.
A DAY WITHOUT LAUGHTER IS A
DAY WASTED!!!
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