Funny E-mail

Bad Day at Hallmark…

Ever wondered what happens when Hallmark writers are having a bad day........

~~~~~
My tire was thumping.
I thought it was flat.
When I looked at the tire.
I noticed your cat.

Sorry!
~~~~~

Heard your wife left you.
How upset you must be.
But don't fret about it...

She moved in with me.

~~~~~~

Looking back over the years
that we've been together,
I can't help but wonder...
'What the hell was I thinking?'

~~~~~~

Congratulations on your wedding day!
Too bad no one likes your husband.

~~~~~~

How could two people as beautiful as you
have such an ugly baby?

~~~~~~

I 've always wanted to have
someone to hold,
someone to love.

After having met you.
I've changed my mind.

----------

I must admit, you brought Religion into my life.
I never believed in Hell until I met you.

~~~~~

As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am...
That you're not here to ruin it for me..

~~~~~

Congratulations on your promotion.
Before you go.
Would you like to take this knife out of my back?
You'll probably need it again.

******

Happy Birthday, Uncle Dad!
(Available only in Tennessee , Kentucky & West Virginia )

~~~~~~

Happy birthday! You look great for your age.
Almost Lifelike!

~~~~~~

When we were together,
you always said you'd die for me.
Now that we've broken up,
I think it's time you kept your promise.

~~~~~

We have been friends for a very long time.
Let's say we stop?

~~~~~

I'm so miserable without you.
It's almost like you're here.

~~~~~

Congratulations on your new bundle of joy.
Did you ever find out who the father was?

~~~~~

Your friends and I wanted to do
something special for your birthday.

So we're having you put to sleep.

~~~~~

So your daughter's a hooker,
and it spoiled your day.

Look at the bright side,
it's really good pay

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